Alan and I recently went through want some people might term a “rough patch” due to me playing a somewhat (in my opinion) ancillary role in his prosecution by the federal government.  We’ve had our ups and downs before, like the time I sent his picture and home address to South American drug lords or the (many) times I’ve been intimate with his pillow.  Our friendship always bounces back, though in this case, Alan’s days of bouncing without a donut-shaped pillow may soon be at an end.

Anyhoo, I’m not allowed to talk about the court case directly, so let me just say this: Dear Alan, sorry about the “herpes”.